The Dirty Novels | Pack Your Pistols (s/r)

pack "Audience Reaction" has the quaint thoughts of, "If you go down on me/ I'll go down on you." So not the cute lyrics I was expecting. At all.


Maybe it's because they're a live band, not a studio band. Maybe it's because they're too sexy for their own good. Or, perhaps it's because if Pack Your Pistols was to own a piece of clothing, it would own a stomped-upon, mud-ridden prom dress—something that was once delicate, but has been mucked up with time. Whatever the case, the Dirty Novels' 2007 release is genuine, stripped-down, new-school rock 'n' roll, but it sounds like every other band that could fit into that category. Even the Italian people of the world have a phrase for this: niente di speciale, which means "nothing special."

Anyways. There are so many things wrong with this band. But, because I am a nice person, I suppose I'll begin talking about the things that are positive. To begin, their song titles are cute. The lyrics are not well-written, but the song titles are wittingly well done, such as "Stealing Kisses" and "Who Will Sing Your Lullabies." One would think that the lyrics to these songs would be cutely emotional and intensely felt, but in reality they are quite the opposite. "Audience Reaction" has the quaint thoughts of, "If you go down on me/ I'll go down on you." So not the cute lyrics I was expecting. At all.

Another thing that really annoyed me was the band's MySpace page. Not only does it offer no additional information from their website, it has spelling errors. Being an English major, this made me cringe with disgust. C'mon, everyone. We should all know the difference between "meant" and "ment" by now. On a final note of frustration, there's the thought that Pablo Novelas, the lead singer, has perhaps the most annoying voice in the entire universe. Somewhere between a high, screechy sound reminiscent of a dying cat and, at times, a deep, humming noise similar to a broken refrigerator, Novelas is painful to listen to.

The members of this glitter/glam rock band are Novelas as lead singer/guitarist, Joego as the drummer, Dandee as the bassist, and Brian Keith as lead guitarist. So I guess it's kind of cool that all of their names are exotic-sounding. But come on, why wouldn't they use their full names? This is yet another annoying component to the band. Their biography isn't much better. With statements such as "…tour the country from coast to coast, stealing hearts, shocking parents, and winking at their daughters…" how much more egotistical can a group of four men sound?

Well, I can say that this sometimes-ska, sometimes-Pogues-esque band sound like the New York Dolls (even down to excepted "I'm looking for a kiss" lyrics from "Stealing Kisses"), a legendary band that displayed neither good vocal nor musical talent—but at least they're pretty, right? And, above all that, if they live up to their own praise, we could be so blown away! D+ | Kaylen Hoffman

RIYL: The New York Dolls, The Von Bondies, other bands with whiny lead singers

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