George W. Bush and the Weapons of Mass Distraction Trading Cards (IDW Publishing)

cardsheaderDubya and his pals face the poison pen of comics gossip maven Rich Johnston in this set of satirical trading cards.

 

 

36-card set FC; $14.99

(W: Rich Johnston; A: Enrique Lorenzana)

 

Anyone with at least half a brain is perfectly sick to death of our schmuck leaders tiptoeing ever closer to the brink of hell with the whole load of America on their backs. Anyone who isn't dead should be nauseated by the malfeasance, complacence, lies, theft, and murder that have comprised the American foreign and domestic fuck-all-y'all mission since 2000.

 

The bumper stickers say it all: "When Clinton Lied, Nobody Died." "If You're Not Outraged, You're Not Paying Attention." "I Miss Nixon." What more need be said?

 

Well lots, really. There's always room for more outrage in our oil-dependent, Muslim-hating, theocratic, homophobic, misogynist, corrupt, support-the-war-or-you're-a-traitor United States of Assholes.

 

Click thumbnail for a larger image.And there's always room for…trading cards! Yes, trading cards like the George W. Bush and the Weapons of Mass Distraction Trading Cards. Why read about Ryan Howard's home-run totals or the making of Shrek The Third when you can read the back of a trading card written with palpable anger. Here's what card writer Rich Johnston (the British comics gossip maven responsible for ComicBookResources.com's weekly column "Lying in the Gutters") writes on the back of the GWB&TWOMD "Oil & God" card: "As the price of petroleum began to rise, Americans fell to their knees and began to pray… For without oil, how could God-fearing Americans drive to their big church in their big cars?"

 

The cards, which feature excellent caricatures by Enrique Lorenzana on their fronts, detail a passel of scandals that even hard-core liberals may not have yet heard. I hadn't realized that the slimiest creature to slide across the earth, Bush advisor and outer-of-American-spies Karl Rove, "broke into a Democratic campaign headquarters to steal official stationery, which he used to discredit a candidate" while only in college. Go figure.

 

Click thumbnail for a larger image.I learned about people like Karl Zinsmeister, a big wheel at a neocon think tank called the American Enterprise Institute, who supposedly helped convince Bush's cronies to launch our fun little pre-emptive war. He then went to Iraq to watch U.S. "progress" as an embedded observer, offering rose-tinted descriptions of the carnival of chaos for the folks back home.

 

The 36 cards go on to lampoon puritanical FCC Chairman Michael Powell, the UN-hating UN delegate John Bolton, morally clueless top cop Alberto Gonzales, and many more. Of real-life cartoon villain Dick Cheney, Johnston writes, "His political career began in the Nixon administration, and some say it never left."

 

A few token cards mock the Democrats, including floppy Joe Lieberman, strident Hillary, Al Gore, and John Kerry, for their missteps. There's even a Stephen Colbert card (!!), but it's the only bit of praise in the pack.

 

George W. Bush & The Weapons of Mass Distraction isn't the first collection of political barbs to find their way to trading cards. Kitchen Sink's very funny 1992 Republicans Attack! cards (parodying the famous Mars Attacks! cards) come to mind.

 

So this is all territory that's been covered before, and will be covered again, as long as humans derange democracy with their unchecked animal greed. But trading cards make it funny. For the half-hour it takes to read them, anyway. | Byron Kerman

Click here  for a peek at 5 cards in the set, courtesy of IDW Publishing!

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