Lovefool 04.22.12 | A Whole New Archie

First he married Veronica, then he married Betty. Now, America’s eternal teenager enters all new territory as Archie becomes Archina in Archie #636 and words can’t even begin to describe how stoked your Lovefool is.


It’s actually pretty rare for JG,FE to suggest I write about something. I mean, occasionally I’ll be moaning about how I can’t think of anything to write about and he’ll throw a few ideas out there to shut me up and get my precious, precious content in on time, but it’s usually all very chill, very laid back. He really lets me do my own thing, even when my own thing is that I can’t think of anything so I’m going to do a Romance Roundup. (Actually, JG,FE loves RR so that’s a rather handy tool for me. Instant content, just add snark!) But! Neither here nor there, my slacker ways. For me to get an email with a link and “You have to write a column about this. YOU HAVE TO.” was pretty surprising. We don’t really roll like that, you know? Naturally, I was all like “Eh? We’ll see about that, bossman! I DO WHAT I WANT.” and then I actually clicked the link and immediately emailed back “Jesus Christ. When is that coming out? Is it out?”
You guys, JG,FE had emailed me the teaser about the gender swap Archie special coming out this summer.
No, seriously.
Gender swap Archie special.
I want to just fill the rest of this page with that, repeated and in italics, because it’s a thing that’s happening and, while I know that Archie is dabbling their precious toes in the progressive end of the pool these days, GENDER SWAP ARCHIE SPECIAL. And Sabrina! Sabrina is there! I love Sabrina!
I clapped like a seal, nerdlings. Look at this cover! LOOK AT IT. I am so excited about this I am beside myself, and I have used more capital letters in this column than I have in our entire time together. I mean, Archie and I have had our issues in the past, it’s true, mostly because he can be kind of a tool, but Archina and I could probably be buddies, I think. She’s not a player, she just crushes a lot. Actually, I bet she’s kind of a tool, too, but it’ll be delightful to see how her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. And the boys! Ronnie and Billy indeed, looking painfully Riverdale about it but probably both looking down Archina’s fairly significant cleavage. Seriously, do Betty or Veronica ever show that much skin? Archina is workin’ it and I approve. Further research reveals that this little tale is drawn by Gisele Lagac√©, who draws funny and not necessarily always safe for work comics and knows her way around the human form. No wonder everyone looks adorable – Gisele’s work is fantastically…well, adorable.
All of this, of course, starts because everyone in Riverdale is sniping at each other about how much easier the other gender must have it, which is ridiculous. I bet it starts over a prom date or some lipstick or something. And it’s not my girl, Sabrina, who pulls the trigger on this beautiful mess, it’s Salem the Cat, who is rad and decides that maybe it’s time for everyone to see how the other half lives. Does anyone else remember the live action Sabrina, the Teenage Witch show starring Clarissa, I mean, Melissa Joan Hart? I loved that show and Salem, not going to lie, was a big draw. Snarky magical cats are awesome. Everyone on it was fabulous and I used to DRV it all the time. And, sure, she’s got her own books but nothing like this ever happens in them.
Truthfully, I don’t think this happens in such high style many places and I am completely devastated to hear that this isn’t happening until August. August is so far away, nerdlings, but we’ll manage. In the meantime, look at that cover. Yes, I tease but only because I want to start a countdown on my calendar until this comes out. | Erin Jameson

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