Lovefool 04.14.14 | Coming Out of the Cold

Lovefool makes it personal this week, checking in with her thoughts on Captain America: The Winter Soldier and how the film’s theme coming to terms with the world around you really hit close to home.


Nerdlings! Sweet baby darlings! Long time no text, apparently, despite the best efforts of JG,FE and myself. Things have been kind of weird around here and that’s partially my fault and then partially the fault of JG,FE’s crazy life. You can’t blame the dude with the kid who’s also in MBA classes for posting your stuff late when you turn it in at 9:00 PM on class night. Anyway! JG,FE and I have negotiated things and we have determined how to make this work. Well, really, I seem to have something resembling a deadline now. Actually, it’s not something resembling a deadline, it’s an actual deadline. Also, there was the small matter of the very nasty…ugh, there’s no real actual way to say this without sounding ridiculous is there? I kind of sort of maybe ended up in a pretty rough place last November, far beyond and a bit too early to be the usual holiday jacked-up-ness, and I feel like I’ve been in a bit of a fugue since then.
You know how things have been weird and spotty here lately? Long time readers have also probably noticed that when I do post, it can be a little distant and stilted and not nearly as fun as it has been. That’s largely because I’ve been hiding in my house waiting for the therapy to shake my brain back into someone resembling who I thought I was. No deets because that gets awkward, but I believe I’ve probably alluded to going through some fairly rough stuff and you can only tuck that sort of thing away for so long before it ends up bursting forward to the front of your brain, demanding attention. Everything in my life suffered for it, for a while, but I think I’m better-ish these days. Better-ish enough to come clean about it.
Of course, this is where I tell you that professional help is great if you’re wondering how to work things through in your brain. It really is. On the other hand, being a bit out of your head for five months can lead you down some interesting avenues. I stopped drinking because I was bored with drinking because I was bored. I started what could’ve been a screaming, horrible row with Mr. BFF but just ended up being the beginnings of a necessary discussion. I learned the joys of being tidy, baked bread from scratch, played the dickens out of some Sims 3: you know, I basically did all the things that people do when they decide to ditch their life for a while. And then everything kind of clicked into place and I started doing things that needed to be done.
It’s kind of weird that the new Captain America came out while I was finishing yanking myself out of the void. It’s probably the other way around, but it’s odd timing that a movie about, ultimately, coming to terms with the world around you—it’s not the same as anyone ever thinks it is, adapt or…well, curl up in a little ball and refuse—while I was yanking myself out of the hidey-hole I’d created for myself. I liked it a lot and I think it’s the strongest movie in the MCU. Captain America seems to be adjusting to a world he wasn’t expecting while I am, too. But I mostly liked that Captain America was able to accept that there was love in his heart at the worst, worst time, that he was able to pull hope out of a completely horrific situation. Cap came to the edge of his experiences, the place where he had to decide who he was and how far he was willing to go and he stepped back. Maybe it was the right decision, maybe it wasn’t, but it’s important to know when to put down your weapons or knock down your walls. And he learns to trust an unlikely ally. We should all be so lucky as to learn how to accept the people that the world throws at us and how to use the advantages that we find. Captain America: The Winter Soldier seems to be a love letter to living through it. And we all have an it and we get to decide how that works and what it looks like.
And, you know, more in our wheelhouse, there was a surprising amount of sexual tension between Steve Rogers and that ally, Natasha Romanoff, amiright?!? I am, as it turns out, super into that. Steve Rogers, slumbering in the ice, missed the whole thing with the world shifting on its axis, quite literally. Sure, he knows Black Widow is a stone-cold killer spylady, but she’s also hot and helping him out in a pinch. I mean, I know there was that whole thing with Agent 13 and that’s cool and people who know what’s what are like wink-wink but Chris Evans and Scarlett Johansson were surprisingly sizzly on screen. I like pretty people bantering. I like the good guys and slightly occasionally ambiguous gals winning-ish.
Actually, I’m not sure I would consider what happened in TWS a win, but I’ve discovered that anything you come out of alive is a win. So I’m kind of popping back into the world and Steve Rogers is slinking back behind theoretical enemy lines, which is going to be an interesting place for him. But, really, the world is an interesting place for all of us and we either evolve or die. And possibly, along the way, make out with hot Russian spies for various reasons. Okay, maybe just Captain America makes out with hot Russian spies. But we all have to learn to live with who we are and the world around us.
(Seriously, though, please seek professional help in that quest if you think you might need it. There’s no shame in that game. You’ll feel better for having done it.) | Erin Jameson

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