Superman Turns 70: Bizarro Am Him All

bizarro-header.jpgA special Saturday treat in our celebration of the Man of Steel’s birthday, as Byron Kerman writes a poem from the perspective of Superman’s twisted, backwards doppelganger, Bizarro.





Bizarro Am Him All



Bizarro am not like Frankenstein.

Him am not misunderstood brute.

Him not try to kill earth Lois Lane to "save" her.

Him am Bizarro No. 1!

Him am man of style and taste.

Oh, who am Bizarro kidding?

Him got problems, yo.

(Him not saying opposite here, him keeping it real.)

Take Bizarro Lois.


Bizarro Lois ugly like amateur plumbing job

and Bizarro Jimmy Olsen pain in ass

and on Htrae, no one listen to anyone else

like on Earth.

But No. 1 Bizarro No. 1 problem?


Superman always try to make him feel like asshole.

Me am Bizarro! Art by Ed McGuinness. Click for a larger image.Make him not do anythings he am try.

Make him go home

like him trouble and more trouble.

Make him touch (shudder) blue kryptonite

and melt like wicked witch.

Well, him got news for Clark Kent:

All sun have rain, all light have dark, all joy have pain

and always Superman have Bizarro.

Him am Superman’s shadow, and don’t Superman forget it.

Don’t pretend him am aberration.

Him am no lab accident.

Him am blackness in Superman’s soul.

Him am urge to go crazy

let Metropolis pay for making Superman always feel like alien.

Him am want to tell Perry White to go to hell with Caesar’s Ghost.

Him am death wish for Lois, so Superman not have to keep saving her

time and again, trouble on two skinny legs

and then get on with delicious grief.

Make believe you want normal–

Bizarro know better.

Him am deep desire

to lose

to be caught

to be beaten down

to a comfortable level and get it over with, already.

Him am cavity in tooth

painful to push on with tongue

so you am pushing on it all day long.

Admit you am loving opposite.

Admit you am loving to hate Bizarro.

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