With apologies to Morrissey, September (not November) spawned a monster. It always does, with the return of the arts season. Theatres, colleges, galleries, book tours and much more get going again, and all we can do is hang on for dear life.

The Great Godfrey Maze 2.4-mi. giant corn maze is a great place to scare the bejesus out of your friends on a warm night (Aug. 31-Oct. 28, 618-466-1483, www.greatgodfreymaze.com). The St. Nicholas Greek Festival (Sept. 1-3, www.stnicholas.missouri.goarch.org/GreekFest/default.htm) means spanakopita, galatabourikos, and horny fishermen just back from the Aegean Sea. This year's Art Outside festival offers more than 100 booths of art for sale, live music & comedy, puppet shows for the kids, food & beer sales, and this year, a new local edgy comedy troupe called the Fingerbreaker Brothers, all at Schlafly Bottleworks (Sept. 7-8, www.schlafly.com). When someone scavenged more than 100 small wire sculptures from a Philadelphia dumpster a few years back, he discovered the mysterious "Philadelphia Wireman," an unknown, probably deceased artist who made a posthumous splash in the world of modern art (at Wm. Shearburn Gallery, Sept. 7-Oct. 13, www.shearburngallery.com).

You get the picture. Be sure to scroll down this entire list for a dandy selection of picks for this and every month. Good luck with that cloning project - in September, you'll need to divide and conquer to see it all.

Thru Sept. 21: Back to School features work by artists Sunny Santos, Dinise Mustain and Alicia Scolarici at UMSL's Gallery Visio (314-516-7922, www.umsl.edu/~galvisio)

Thru Oct. 6: Daniela Marx Posters at Gallery FAB, 201 Fine Arts Building, University of Missouri-St. Louis (314-963-2020)

Aug. 31-Sept. 3: St. Louis County Fair & Air Show featuring Zoppe Family Circus at Spirit of St. Louis Airport (www.stlcofair.org)

Aug. 31-Oct. 28: Great Godfrey Maze 2.4-mi. giant corn maze opens in Godfrey, IL (618-466-1483, www.greatgodfreymaze.com)

Sept. 1: Author of such children's books as Across the Alley Richard Michelson gives presentation at Congregation Kol Am (www.left-bank.com)

Sept. 1: Grand Outdoor Summer Films Series screens Pee Wee's Big Adventure on the side of the Bruno David Gallery at 3721 Washington Ave., preceded by live music, with concessions (www.grandcenter.org)

Sept. 1: Mizzou/Illinois Show Me Football Showdown at Edward Jones Dome (314-241-1888)

Sept. 1-2: National Dance Troupe of Nigeria at Blanche Touhill Performing Arts Center at UMSL (www.touhill.org)

Sept. 1-2: Big Muddy Blues Festival with 3 simultaneous stages featuring John Mayall & the Bluesbreakers, Marquise Knox, Big Sam's Funky Nation, Terry "Big T" Williams & Wesley "Junebug" Jefferson, Devon Allman's Honeytribe, Big George Brock & The Houserockers, Kim Massie & others

(www.lacledeslanding.org)

Sept. 1-2: Dark Finnish comedy Lights in the Dusk at Webster Films (314-968-7487, www.webster.edu/filmseries.html)

Sept. 1-3: St. Nicholas Greek Festival (www.stnicholas.missouri.goarch.org/GreekFest/default.htm)

Sept. 1-3:  Japanese Festival with sumo wrestlers, taiko drummers, tea ceremonies & candlelight walks at Mo. Botanical Garden (www.mobot.org)

Sept. 1-4: Gateway Cup 4-day bicycle race at various locations (www.stlbiking.com/gateway_giro.htm)

Sept. 5: Strange Brew: Cult Films at Schlafly Bottleworks features Twilight Zone: The Movie, sponsored by Webster Films (314-968-7487, www.webster.edu/filmseries.html)

Sept. 5-30: Repertory Theatre of St. Louis begins new season with Tony Award-winning History Boys at Loretto-Hilton Theatre (314-968-4925, www.repstl.org)

Sept. 6: Tony Trigilio & Allison Funk read for Observable Readings poetry series at The Royale (http://observable.org/poster_0708.pdf)

Sept. 6: Doc Summercamp! at Webster Films (314-968-7487, www.webster.edu/filmseries.html)

Sept. 6: Sold-out Maya Lin lecture at Graham Chapel at Washington University (www.contemporarystl.org)

Sept. 6-22: Hot City Theatre presents Neil LaBute's Fat Pig at ArtLoft Theatre (www.metrotix.com)

Sept. 7: Maya Lin: Systematic Landscapes opens at Contemporary Art Museum St. Louis (www.contemporarystl.org)

Sept. 7: LOMA Laumeier Outdoor Music Amphitheatre concert series presents band followed by movie: Ralph Butler and Music & Lyrics (www.laumeier.org)

Sept. 7-9: Tivoli Midnights cult series presents Ghostbusters (www.landmarktheatres.com/Market/St.Louis/St.Louis_Frameset.htm)

Sept. 7-8: Art Outside festival with more than 100 booths of art for sale, live music & comedy & puppet shows, food & beer sales etc. at Schlafly Bottleworks (www.schlafly.com)

Sept. 7-9: The Devil Came on Horseback doc on Darfur crisis at Webster Films (314-968-7487, www.webster.edu/filmseries.html)

Sept. 7-9: Indian PowWow & Fall Indian Art Show (Sept. 8-9 only) at Cahokia Mounds (www.cahokiamounds.com/calendar.html)

Sept. 7-9: St. Louis Art Fair with hundreds of booths, gourmet food sales, kid and adult art-making areas & live music (www.saintlouisartfair.com)

Sept. 7-16: Hydeware Theatre presents Macbeth with just 3 actors in Tower Grove Pk. (www.hydewaretheatre.com)

Sept. 7-29: Contemporary Women Artists Exhibition XIV at Mad Art (www.madart.com)

Sept. 7-Oct. 13: Philadelphia Wireman, small sculptures recovered from trash by unknown maker, at Wm. Shearburn Gallery (www.shearburngallery.com)

Sept. 7-Nov. 4: Fabulous Fox exhibition at Mo. History Museum (www.mohistory.org)

Sept. 8: Taste of Lafayette Square (www.lafayettepark.org/LPC/park_events.htm)

Sept. 8: ArchRival Roller Derby Girls bout at All American Sports Mall (11133 Lindbergh Business Court, www.myspace.com/archrivalrollergirls)

Sept. 8: Chuck-a-Burger 50^th Anniversary Bash with Elvis tribute by Steve Davis (www.chuckaburger.com)

Sept. 8-9: TOCO Music & Peace Festival with camping, 20 bands, art market, kids' activities, food sales & non-profit-networking to benefit Ctr. For Women in Transition at YMCA in Belleville (www.tocofestival.com)

Sept. 8-9: St. Louis Admirals Radio-Control Model Boat Regatta at lake at St. Louis Union Station (www.stlouisunionstation.com)

Sept. 8-10: New Mustard Seed Theatre Dijon Series staged reading & discussion of Ken Weitzman's The As If Body Loop at Fontbonne University Theatre (www.mustardseedtheatre.com)

Sept. 8-Oct. 6: White Flag Gallery presents TINYVICES curated by Tim Barber and Don't You Feel Better in the Library by Jaimie Warren (4568 Manchester, www.whiteflagprojects.org)

Sept. 9: Arianna String Quartet performs all-Beethoven program at Blanche Touhill Performing Arts Ctr. at UMSL (www.touhill.org)

Sept. 9: DUB Magazine luxury cars show & rap concert (www.americascenter.org)

Sept. 9 & 12: Arianna String Quartet performs works of Beethoven at Touhill Sun. & Sheldon Wed. (www.touhill.org, www.thesheldon.org)

Sept. 12-23: Black Rep presents Athol Fugard's Boesman & Lena at Edison Theatre (www.metrotix.com)

Sept. 9-Early 2008: Confluence exhibition of Maya Lin designs for memorial for confluence of Missouri & Mississippi rivers at Mo. History Museum (www.mohistory.org)

Sept. 13: Novelist Peter Orner (The Second Coming of Mavala Shikongo) reads from his work as part of Washington Univ. Writing Program Fall Reading Series at school's Hurst Lounge, Duncker Hall (http://artsci.wustl.edu/~english/newsevents/wpseries.php)

Sept. 13: Experimental Art Thursdays at Mad Art (www.madart.com)

Sept. 13: Brazilogy: Three Films by Joe Bogan with appearance by director at Webster Films (314-968-7487, www.webster.edu/filmseries.html)

Sept. 13: Author of Hairstyles of the Damned Joe Meno & author of Is Hip Hop Dead? Mickey Hess at Subterranean Books (www.subbooks.com)

Sept. 13-15: Somewhere in Between, play on transgender issues presented by Tel Aviv theater co. and Ragged Blade at Theater at St. John's (www.raggedblade.com)

Sept. 14: Jonathan Franzen reads from The Discomfort Zone at St. Louis County Library HQ (www.slcl.org)

Sept. 14: Twangfest at LOMA concerts featuring Todd Snider at Laumeier Sculpture Pk. (www.laumeier.org)

Sept. 14-15: Great Forest Park Balloon Race & nighttime Balloon Glow (www.greatforestparkballoonrace.com)

Sept. 14-16: Tivoli Midnights cult series presents This Is Spinal Tap (www.landmarktheatres.com/Market/St.Louis/St.Louis_Frameset.htm)

Sept. 14-16: Mosaics Missouri Festival of the Arts in St. Charles (www.stcharlesmosaics.org)

Sept. 14-16: "Black Sunday" United Black Drag Racers' Assoc. weekend at Gateway Raceway (www.gatewayraceway.com)

Sept. 14-16: Greentree Festival at Kirkwood Pk. (www.greentreefestival.com)

Sept. 14-22: St. Louis Community College-Florissant Valley presents David Feldshuh drama on Tuskegee Experiment Miss Evers' Boys at Terry Fischer Theater at school (www.stlcc.edu/fv/theatre/text/calendar.html)

Sept. 14-30: Echo Theatre Co. presents Ibsen's Hedda Gabler at Third Baptist Church on Grand (www.echotheatrecompany.org)

Sept. 14-Oct. 6: Art of Michael Krueger, Lisa Bulawsky and Dan Colley at Philip Slein Gallery (www.philipsleingallery.com)

Sept. 14 - Nov. 11: Illustrator John Hendrix art show Drawing on Deadline at Subterranean Books (www.subbooks.com)

Sept. 15: Carnivorous Plant Society Show & Sale at Mo. Botanical Garden (www.mobot.org)

Sept. 15: Old Webster Jazz Festival featuring tribute to Johnnie Johnson (www.oldwebsterjazzfestival.com)

Sept. 15: Hop in the City Beer Festival with 40 beers for $25-$30 at Schlafly Tap Room (314-241-BEER, www.schlafly.com)

Sept. 15: Sci Fi Saturdays screens The Time Machine onto roof of Planetarium at dusk (www.slsc.org)

Sept. 15: Car Cruise & Hayrides at Spanish Lake Pk. (www.stlouisco.com)

Sept. 15-16: GroveFest with live music, beergarden, live roller derby, fashion show, food court, art show etc. on Manchester between Sarah & Boyle (www.grovefest.org)

Sept. 16-Dec. 9: The Celluloid Bible: Marketing Films Inspired by Scripture exhibition of film posters at MOCRA (mocra.slu.edu)

Sept. 17: River Styx Reading Series welcomes poets Charles Harper Webb & Chelsea Rathburn to Duff's (www.riverstyx.org)

Sept. 18: Author of The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao Junot Diaz reads from & signs his books at St. Louis Public Library-Schlafly Branch (www.left-bank.com)

Sept. 19: Einstein's Dreams author Alan Lightman speaks as part of Washington Univ. Assembly Series at Graham Chapel (http://assemblyseries.wustl.edu/FinalSept07Cal.pdf)

Sept. 19-Oct. 7: Repertory Theatre of St. Louis Off Ramp Theatre presents musical Altar Boyz at Grandel Theatre (www.repstl.org)

Sept. 20: NY Times art critic Roberta Smith speaks at St. Louis Art Museum (314-721-0072, www.slam.org)

Sept. 20: Big Dreamers film on Aussie small town engaged in quirky boondoggle with director Camille Hardman at Webster Films (314-968-7487, www.webster.edu/filmseries.html)

Sept. 20: Short local films about water screened at Pulitzer Fdtn. For the Arts (www.pulitzerarts.org)

Sept. 20: Novelist Peter Orner (The Second Coming of Mavala Shikongo) reads from his work (for 2^nd time) as part of Washington Univ. Writing Program Fall Reading Series at school's Hurst Lounge, Duncker Hall (http://artsci.wustl.edu/~english/newsevents/wpseries.php)

Sept. 20: Watergate figure John Dean reads from Broken Government: How Republican Rule Destroyed the Legislative, Executive & Judicial Branches at St. Louis County Library HQ (www.slcl.org)

Sept. 20-23: One-Act Play Festival featuring performances from nearly all area colleges at St. Louis Community College-Forest Park, Bastian Theatre (314-644-9386)

Sept. 21: Full-Moon Paddle at Creve Coeur Lake with canoe, hot dogs, marshmallows, beverages, & bonfire included (636-391-0922, www.stlouisco.com)

Sept. 21: Monthly Open House glassblowing party with demos, live music & BYOB at Third Degree Glass Factory (314-367-4527, www.stlglass.com)

Sept. 21: Paris Thru the Looking Glass: Director Jacques Rivette film series continues with Top Secret at St. Louis Art Museum (314-721-0072, www.slam.org)

Sept. 21-22: Italian Fest with grape stomp, "Paisan Pedal," lotsa food, live music, parade & bocce ball in Collinsville (www.italianfest.net)

Sept. 21-23: Tivoli Midnights cult series presents Spice World (www.landmarktheatres.com/Market/St.Louis/St.Louis_Frameset.htm)

Sept. 21-23: Playback Play: STL Music Fest with more than 80 bands on 7 stages in U. City Loop (www.playbackstl.com)

Sept. 21-23: Taste of St. Louis at 9^th & Market (www.tastestl.com)

Sept. 22: Dog Days Celebration pet festival with parade in downtown Kirkwood (www.kirkwoodjunction.com)

Sept. 22: Strange Folk Festival with 100 funky young crafters from around U.S., in O'Fallon, IL (www.strangefolkfestival.com)

Sept. 22: Sci Fi Saturdays screens Earth vs. The Flying Saucers onto roof of Planetarium at dusk (www.slsc.org)

Sept. 22-23: Faust Folk festival with period crafts, kids' activities, food etc. at Faust Pk. (www.stlouisco.com)

Sept. 22-23: Tilles Arts & Crafts Festival at Tilles Pk. in the County (www.stlouisco.com)

Sept. 23: Jazz Perspectives with Roy Haynes jazz symposium at Centene Ctr. (www.metrotix.com)

Sept. 23: Kids' Flea Market at Magic House (www.magichouse.org)

Sept. 24: Author of cult horror book House of Leaves & Only Revolutions meta-fiction stylist Mark Danielewski reads from his works at Mad Art Gallery (www.left-bank.com)

Sept. 25: Free concert by St. Louis Symphony Orchestra featuring works by Shostakovich, Beethoven & Chaplin on Art Hill in Forest Park (www.slso.org)

Sept. 25-26: Washington Univ. Performing Arts Dept. presents playwriting contest winners Intelligent Life by Lauren Dusek and Yelling Man by Lee Osorio (Sept. 25) and Chosen by Noga Landau Sept. 26) (314-935-6543, PADarts.wustl.edu)

Sept. 26: Sculptor of dead animals Erick Swenson speaks at Steinberg Hall, Washington University (www.samfoxschool.wustl.edu)

Sept. 27: Cine 16 Vintage School Films returns to Mo. History Museum (www.mohistory.org)

Sept. 27: Author of A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future Dan Pink speaks at COCA (www.cocastl.org)

Sept. 27: Short story author ZZ Packer (Drinking Coffee Elsewhere) reads from her work as part of Washington Univ. Writing Program Fall Reading Series at school's Hurst Lounge, Duncker Hall (http://artsci.wustl.edu/~english/newsevents/wpseries.php)

Sept. 27: Rock the Bells doc on reuniting Wu Tang Clan for one concert with director Casey Suchan at Webster Films (314-968-7487, www.webster.edu/filmseries.html)

Sept. 27-Oct. 20: New Line Theatre presents revue of musical-theatre songs Sex, Drugs & Rock & Roll at new Ivory Theatre in former Gaslight Square area (www.newlinetheatre.com/sexpage.html)

Sept. 28: Midnight Madness with outlaw street racing, drifting, concerts, Streetfighterz Motorcycle Stunt Team, & expo area ‘til 3 a.m. at Gateway Intl. Raceway (http://www.gatewayraceway.com)

Sept. 28: Classical works pertaining to water performed by ensemble from St. Louis Symphony Orchestra at Pulitzer Fdtn. For the Arts (www.pulitzerarts.org)

Sept. 28: Scavenge Through the Night with scavenger hunt, bonfire, hayride & s'mores at Queeny Park (www.stlouisco.com)

Sept. 28: Paris Thru the Looking Glass: Director Jacques Rivette film series continues with Who Knows? at St. Louis Art Museum (314-721-0072, www.slam.org)

Sept. 28: Linda Eder & Brian Stokes Mitchell perform Broadway standards as part of 25^th anniversary of Fox renovation at Fabulous Fox (www.metrotix.com)

Sept. 28-30: Ferguson Street Fest & City Walk featuring Near North Artisan Fair Manly-Man High-Heel Race, live mariachi, polka, belly dancing, old skool hip-hop tribute band from Chicago, evening 5K run, a motorcycle show, a dog contest, a giant cake walk, Bargain Betty's Flea Market, and all-day

bingo (www.fergusoncitywalk.com)

Sept. 28-30: Tivoli Midnights cult series presents Donnie Darko: Director's Cut (www.landmarktheatres.com/Market/St.Louis/St.Louis_Frameset.htm)

Sept. 28-Oct. 7: Non Prophet Theatre presents Shakespearean take on Godfather Corleone at venue to be determined (www.nptco.org)

Sept. 28-Oct. 7: St. Louis Univ. Theatre presents Language of Angels in Xavier Hall (www.slu.edu/theatre/0708.htm)

Sept. 29: Free tours plus organ concert by Stan Kann at Fabulous Fox (www.metrotix.com)

Sept. 29: KETC presents Arthur's Picnic in the Park with TV mascots, appearance by Mr. McFeely of "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood," rides, games, stage shows & concessions (www.ketc.org)

Sept. 29: EarthWays Green Festival & House Tour (www.earthwayscenter.org)

Sept. 29: Sci Fi Saturdays screens Invasion of the Body Snatchers onto roof of Planetarium at dusk (www.slsc.org)

Sept. 29: Grand Opening: Dancing in the Street opens Grand Center Arts season with attempt at world-record longest chorus line along Grand Blvd., 50 dance performances on 3 outdoor stages, beer & wine gardens, plus performances by aerialists Project Bandaloop high atop face of Continental Building and gallery walk (www.grandcenter.org)

Sept. 29: Musicians, singers and dancers from The Musical and Performing Arts Academy of Guizhou University of China perform at Blanche Touhill Performing Arts Ctr. at UMSL (www.touhill.org)

Sept. 29: Green Ctr. sponsors River Des Peres & Ruth Park Woods clean-up (www.thegreencenter.org)

Sept. 29: Cinema St. Louis presents Manhattan Short Film Festival at Centene Ctr. (www.cinemastlouis.org)

Sept. 29: National Kidney Foundation Chili & Salsa Cookoff at Westport Plaza (www.nkfstl.com)

Sept. 30: Wasabi Sushi-Eating Contest with big prizes (www.saucemagazine.com/wasabi/WasabiSushifest2007.pdf)

Sept. 30: Holocaust Museum & Learning Ctr. Film Series presents doc on anti-anti-Semitic nun Sister Rose's Passion (www.hmlc.org)

Sept. 30: Taylor Lockwood lectures and signs his book, Chasing the Rain - My Treasure Hunt for the World's Most Beautiful Mushrooms at Mo. Botanical Garden (www.mobot.org)

Sept. 30: Don Rickles performs at Blanche Touhill Performing Arts Ctr. at UMSL (www.touhill.org)

Sept. 30: Fabulous Flicks featuring silent Phantom of the Opera with Stan Kann live on the organ, E.T., & Chicago at Fabulous Fox ($5, www.metrotix.com)