Fergie did a full-on, booty-shakin' performance of Black Eyed Peas hit "My Humps," but gave the rest of the Peas songs the lame, quickie-medley treatment, teasing the audience just enough to get them cheering, then moving on.

  
The Pageant, St. Louis

This is going to be brief, mostly because I'm struggling really hard with that old adage that I learned in kindergarten: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."  I'm going to stick to discussing the actual performances by newly solo Black Eyed Peas singer Fergie, and O.C. featured band Rooney, rather than dwelling too much on the other three hours of corporate promotional bullshit I had to endure to see these performances.

But before I get to the review, let me say this: when I go to a show at The Pageant, even an "all-ages" show, I still don't expect to be hanging out with a gaggle of 13-year-old girls. I mean, this is a bar, people—"all ages" should have its limits. As my companion and I sat in the barely crowded balcony amongst the few guests who were of age, watching teenagers' silly text messages to each other projected on a large screen in front of the stage, I felt like I'd gone back to junior high rather than to a nightclub for a concert.

When Rooney, the L.A-based band that gained fame with songs on the popular teen show The O.C., took the stage, the throngs of tweener girls gasped, cheered and writhed at the sight of lead singer Robert Schwartzman, who looked like he literally stepped out of a GAP ad in a brown velvet blazer (it was 85 degrees outside), button-down shirt and jeans.

Rooney's music is what you'd call "catchy," which is why it is great for television. Their indie-pop vibe reminded me of a lot of the music I liked growing up in the '80s; like something you could just as easily have heard in a John Hughes film as on The O.C.

Fergie's performance was less than stellar. At least she actually sang her songs, rather than lip synching like some of her contemporaries, and her band was very tight. The most entertaining portion of her show, however, was when she left the stage for her second or third wardrobe change and her incredibly talented and freakishly muscular backup dancers "battled" it out in a girls-against-boys dance fury.  This was far more entertaining to watch than Fergie spelling out "G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S" as thousands of teenage girls screamed it back to her in unison.

Fergie did a full-on, booty-shakin' performance of Black Eyed Peas hit "My Humps," but gave the rest of the Peas songs the lame, quickie-medley treatment, teasing the audience just enough to get them cheering, then moving on.  And I realize that this tour was sponsored by Verizon, but at one point these words actually came out of Fergie's mouth: "Wave your cell phones in the air!"  Need I say more?

The bottom line is this show made me feel old, and silly, and dreading the day my own daughter drags me to another concert like this one. | Amy Burger