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Written by Byron Kerman Wednesday, 15 November 2006 07:02

If Mel Gibson knew that Griffin referred to the troubled actor as a "fucking homophobic asshole who hates the Jews from way back," would that bother him?

Blanche M. Touhill Performing Arts Center, University of Missouri – St. Louis

Kathy Griffin says she is currently banned from Leno, Letterman, Conan, Regis and Ellen, and it's easy to believe her. Her stock-in-trade, dishing—no, make that dumping—dirt onto celebrities and their fragile egos, would pretty much have to result in said stars boycotting said talk shows.

Or would it? I mean, if Mel Gibson knew that Griffin referred to the troubled actor as a "fucking homophobic asshole who hates the Jews from way back," would that bother him? What if Justin Timberlake knew that Griffin called him "the blackest man in the world"? Would he have a problem with that?

Wait, there's more. At a St. Louis performance, Griffin suggested, diplomatically, that a photo shoot she endured with Paris Hilton yielded empirical knowledge that the blonde waif is "a fucking moron—borderline retarded." (Griffin explained that during their meeting, Paris was busily texting away on her phone, and paused to ask the comedienne what the word "versatile" meant. "‘Don't worry,' Griffin says she replied, ‘you'll never need to know.'")

Okay. Griffin is probably not exaggerating when she says she's been banned from various talk shows. She's a known risk. And that's a shame, because she's as funny and gutsy as they come.

Thank goodness for the suits at Bravo, who've given her free reign to puncture the pompous on her uproarious My Life on the D-List reality show.

And thank the people at UM-St. Louis, who sold tickets for a measly 15 bucks to see this dervish of gossip. Her two-hour show flew by, and Griffin could have gone ten hours more, it seemed. Her supply of celebrity anecdotes and quips, as her fans know, is inexhaustible.

"Oprah and Gayle are best friends in the way that you have that one best friend," she said, pausing, "that you eat out."

The nearly sold-out theater ate it up, too. Griffin said that Star Jones has the worst sense of humor in Hollywood—the deflated diva actually tried to use lawyers to get Griffin to never mention her in her act again. Not a chance, said Griffin—she can handle any such challenge, and has, many times over: "I am fuckin' lawyered-up," she averred.

Griffin makes everyone in the audience her confidantes. In her own way, she's as personable as Minnie Pearl—a Minnie Pearl who uses every variation of the word "fuck" with practiced ease. And with whom you do not want to fuck. | Byron Kerman