"Don't read
my diary when I'm gone," Kurt Cobain requests in ballpoint scrawl on the first
page of Journals. In the next paragraph, however: "Please read my
diary. Look through my things and figure me out."
So which one
is it? What's a Nirvana fan to do? Thankfully, those who would love to look
through Kurt's things now have this collection of pages from his spiral
notebooks, now exhumed, digitally photographed, and bound into a coffee table
book for the painfully hip. Aside from a few notes at the back deciphering the
most illegible entries, the editors Nick and Claire Vaccarro present this
material with a vaguely implicit chronology (the first document is a letter in
which Cobain writes to a friend, "Oh, our last and final name is NIRVANA") but
with no supporting context other than the reader's own knowledge of the
author.
In fact, were
it not Kurt Cobain who put down these stream-of-consciousness journal entries,
heavy metal-style monster drawings, mix-tape tracklists, recipes, and even
NordicTrack 1-800 numbers, there seems no reason any of it would be printed,
bound, and given to Pete Townshend to review. The spelling and mechanics are
often shoddy. Indeed, at first, Journals is not unlike finding the
notebook of the kid who sat in the back of your algebra class (that is, if he
bothered to show up at all).
However, that
kid in your algebra class didn't wind up being the frontman for a band accused
of starting a new movement in music and fashion, one quickly exploited by the
corporate entities Cobain reviled and hoped to attack "from the inside." And
this is why Journals is truly interesting-as the primary source of the
internal workings of the first anti-rockstar. When more and more newcomers to
the music scene are A&R constructions, from the band bio to the wardrobe,
it's amazing to remember that we once worshipped musicians without
committee-manufactured images.
Even as his
fame escalates, as Nevermind goes platinum, and the media further attempts to
dissect him, Cobain comes across the same in his writing: embarrassingly candid
but tempered with sardonic and often self-deprecating humor. He writes, "My
lyrics are a big pile of contradictions...split down the middle between very
sincere opinions and ...humorous rebuttals towards cliché-bohemian ideals that
have been recycled for years." Not surprisingly, his journal entries generally
read the same way. His loathing for hypermasculine, violent white males is
explored not only in sloppily penned rants but in bizarre, darkly humorous
comics. And as for his hardening feelings on the state of the music industry,
well, if Pete Townsend didn't like what Cobain wrote about him, then Phil
Collins and Jackson Browne probably won't, either.
Although
there's plenty to look through and much of it is fascinating (I personally wish
I could see alternate ideas for song lyrics, album covers, and video treatments
for more artists I like), this is by no means a perfect or even a complete
collection. The morbidly curious might be disappointed to discover that Cobain's
final piece of writing, his 1994 suicide note, didn't make the cut. Only one
letter to wife Courtney Love appears, perhaps one of the few references to
Courtney anywhere in the entire collection. One can't help but wonder what the
criteria were for the selection, why some pages were included and others were
not. Obviously, lyrics and personal stories are of interest, but a self-made
study aid for a driving test?
Journals is likely to polarize opinions-if you liked Cobain
before, you may like him more now; if you hated him before, you may hate him
more now. On the other hand, devoted fans may be troubled by some of what they
read, while eye-rolling detractors may find themselves more sensitive to the
compassionate and admittedly flawed nature revealed.
Look under
the dust jacket of the hardcover version and you'll see this caveat: "If you
read, you will judge." And judge you probably will. Unfortunately, I can't
predict your reaction, but as the closest thing we'll ever have to a Kurt Cobain
autobiography, Journals is worth reading to satisfy your curiosity or
expand your understanding about one of the '90s most controversial
musicians.
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