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Written by Laura Hamlett Saturday, 17 June 2006 02:46

What is it about the 4th of July that brings out the redneck in so many Americans? Something in the excuse to fly your flag high means you've got to fly your freak flag alongside it?

I was, admittedly, in a very macho place yesterday (the parking lot of a Home Depot). But I still couldn't help but be embarrassed for myself and my fellow non-asshole Americans when I read the following bumper sticker:

Welcome to America
Now Speak English

And we wonder why Americans are so reviled around the world? This guy (in a pickup truck, no less) is ruining it for the rest of us. And he's not alone.

Driving home from said Home Depot, I spotted another completely inane bumper sticker (now remember, this is a bumper sticker permanently affixed to a car; this is a public proclamation):

I Love COPS

Yes, the TV show. Now I don't watch it and, frankly, I don't see why anyone would. But watching it and admitting you watch it (verbally) are both a far cry from proclaiming it with a sticker on your car.

Finally, late in the day, I saw a sticker that made sense to me. (Well, OK; it made somewhat sense. If you think about it too much, it makes your brain hurt.)

Everyone does better
when everyone does better

That one's nice. It has a "We're all in this together" type of feel to it, doesn't it? And there's truth in it; the less selfish we are, the more concern we give our fellow man through compassion, understanding and assistance, the better we all are. Amen to that.

As for you rednecks, well, you can just keep the illegal fireworks and false American pride in your backyard, if you don't mind.