American Idol | 09.14

american-idol_sm.jpg"There but for the Grace of God goes Alexis!"







ADAM LAMBERT. He can sing. He can entertain. He can switch gears. He dices, he slices, he blends. He’s got viewers and the judges all hot and bothered. Last week’s Smokey Robinson cover is going down in my book as one of the best American Idol performances ever. (Maybe not "Play That Funky Music" so much.) It is his game to lose. AND YET!… I’m not a fan. I am Jason Mesnick to his Melissa Rycroft, and Allison Iraheta is Molly Malaney. If that makes sense to you, then you’re just as bad a reality show bottom-feeder as I am.

ALLISON IRAHETA. Don’t ask me to explain her dress. This is not about her dress. This is about how she would be the only one I can see worthy to take on Adam Hambert in the finale. This is about how she is the only one deserving of the Judges’ Save if America’s text-voters manage to screw it up. This is about justifying a show that’s jerry-rigged to allow Michael Zzzzzzzzarver and Scott McIntired to outlast Alexis Grace and deny her the American Idol Tour.

DANNY GOKEY. After an auspicious showing early in the season, it seems he is beginning to fly under the radar, which on one hand has turned down the heat on his seemingly exploitive use of his late wife to gain sympathy and attention, but on the other has turned down his heat, period. He has a voice that cannot be denied, but he still needs to prove he can own the stage. If he were cast in a Broadway adaptation of an Oscar-winning film, it would be Forrest Gump.

KRIS ALLEN. He can sing. He can entertain. He can switch gears. He dices, he slices, he plays both the guitar and the piano. He’s got viewers all hot and bothered. So why haven’t the judges showered him with more praise? Okay, barring my devotion/attraction/obsession to his glowing aura, his flawless skin, that smile that assures fans like me that, yes, he knows you’re gay but he’s comfortable with it… The guy has surprised us with a restraint that is neither lackluster nor calculated. He sings his songs almost instinctively. He is the anti-Lambert. 

LIL ROUNDS. She is another candidate whose early momentum has slowed down, apparently due to missteps with song choices. This year has turned out to be one of the more competitive years if not the most; of course, she has nothing to worry about this week, but she needs to find her "Summertime," quick. You can only go so far with the baby-hugging-Randy card.

MATT GIRAUD. My jaw dropped last week when Scott was spared and Matt ended up in the Bottom Two. As the week before when Alexis Grace was in that spot, standing next to Mike Sarver, I felt gassy. With Alexis, it was because she was in danger; with Matt, it was because Mike might luck out again. It’s a little late in the game for me to foresee Matt pulling a miraculous upset over the previously mentioned, but he needs to remain in the game, if only to buffer the likes of Scott and Anoop from robbing us of the hottest Top Five ever.

ANOOP DESAI. The fan base is going to save him. Again. THIS week. Next week? The week after that? Only if he sustains his coolness factor against that bottomless pony keg in the kitchen.

SCOTT MacINTYRE. Only five things will keep this bland blind blond from following big bouncing ball Mike Sarver off the competition: family, friends, viewers with delicate nervous conditions, a revelatory performance, and well-intentioned but insincere judges. If there were any revelation around his performance last night it is that Kara DioGuardi is indeed an industry tool; I christen thee Kara Kool-Aid.

MEGAN JOY. Which means that this chick is in trouble. Granted, unlike Michael Scofield, there is no map in her elaborately tattooed arm that will guide her to win the title; however, am I the only one who thinks her Bob Marley was not as bad as the Kool-Aid made it out to be? She was just a little too quick on the draw to pass on Megan’s curious cocktail and to suckle on Scott’s sparkling tap water. | Alan Quisimorio

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