American Idling | 09.18

american-idol_sm.jpgAdam is manufactured for this kind of arena performance.







ALLISON IRAHETA deserves to make it to the finals if only because she is surviving a smear campaign fronted by Simon Cowell to manipulate a Lambert/Gokey cook-off which, if you think about it, is tantamount to Hasselhoff competing for babes against McGinley on the beach. America, if you are looking for a real showdown that will give Glambert a run for his mascara, then save the rocker chick.

ADAM LAMBERT. Rock Night was his and Allison’s to lose, and they both stepped up to the promise. Adam is manufactured for this kind of arena performance: ear-blowing, brain-frying decibel-crazy bombast. Assessing his entire American Idol arc, I still roll my eyes at his musical theater ham-fistedness, but I did appreciate his cover of Led Zeppelin. I don’t absolutely dislike Glambert. You know when you mild-manneredly stroll into Macy’s looking for—let’s say—Men’s Accessories and out of nowhere you’re pepper-sprayed by a girl named Candi who swears that Armani’s new cologne will change your life, and the fragrance wouldn’t be so awful if it wasn’t raping your face? That’s how it’s been for me.

KRIS ALLEN. With the most impressive Final Four in AI history in play, there is no room for error. I was worried that this theme night would completely sabotage Kris’ chances of making it to next week. Although "Come Together" was not his best showing, it didn’t suck. His duet with Danny Gokey, now that did suck. However, I am (again) crying "Foul!" Simon preferred the Merry Widower’s donation to the performance? How much Gokey landfill did the limey invest in and are we really buying it? There’s no mystery that Kris is going to place in the Bottom Two (especially in the shadow of the Iraheta/Lambert one-two punch…wow!), but you can bet I will be sacrificing Beanie Babies at Delphi for his safe passage.

DANNY GOKEY. It was like Simon Cowell at the auto dealership telling us, "Yeah, I know everbody’s talking about the Smart Car, but what you really want is the TrailBlazer." Danny’s Aerosmith redux was a minor disaster. However, he can take some solace in knowing he at least isn’t Kara DioGuardi, who has been a major disaster—such promise in January and it all amounts to one overgrown sorority lollipoop. I am throwing Garcia the Bear into the pyre so I and my people will have the maximum comfort, agility, and low CO2 emission of Kris Allen. | Alan Quisimorio

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