American Idling | 09.09

american-idol_sm.jpg"Send in the clowns!"







SAFE (good chance of securing one of three slots to the Final 12);

  • Alexis Grace—Hands down, the best of the night. She was singing Aretha, channeling Dusty, and reminding Paula of a bottle of bourbon calling her name.
  • Danny Gokey—If David Cook and Robert Downey. Jr. had a love child, it would come out looking like this Gokey character. You’d have to shake off the overwhelming sense of revulsion, but when you do, and please do, you’ll see what I mean. Seriously, the strongest male singer of the group.
  • Michael Sarver—His Gavin DeGraw cover was no oil gusher. But if Simon tells America to give him another shot, I’ll buy. Now, if Simon tells Paula to give him another shot, she’ll buy. See, that’s how it works this time of year.
  • Tatiana Nicole del Toro—She’s saving all her love for you. And all the drama for March…and April…and May, if VoteForTheWorst.Com has its druthers.

EH (good chance of securing a second try in the wild-card round)

  • Jackie Tohn—Anyone who’s ever been in a show with a title like Jewtopia is oy vey with me!
  • Anoop Desai—Slumdog Millionaire is hot right now.
  • Ann Marie Boskovich—There’s no shame in being a hotel singer. Ask Celine. Ask Cher. My god, ask Charo.
  • Ricky Braddy—Who?

NOT SAFE (good chance of securing free airfare back to the suburbs)

  • Brent Keith—His biggest mistake was thinking American Idol is kind of like Nashville Star where all you’re required to do is throw together a ditty with redneck and momma in the lyrics, and you can finish in sixth place, pitchin’ woo if you really are in it to win.
  • Stephen Fowler—aula told him choosing Michael Jackson’s "Rock With You" was a kiss of death. Another kiss of death: "Dance Like There’s No Tomorrow."
  • Casey Carlson—Somewhere in all the winking and flirting, she harassed the audience with was a great karaoke performance. I’m sure she’s kicking herself now for cutting out the soju.
  • Stevie Wright—Wrong.


  • Randy Jackson was on his game last night. I was somewhat surprised how on the money he was with his critiques considering he’s played Simon’s sycophant for the last few seasons.
  • Paula Abdul—Why tax her to comment using words in a coherent string when she can do it in dance? Go Paula, go Paula…
  • Kara DioGuardi—Her inclusion into the panel perhaps freed Randy to be less obsequious. We’ve already seen how she’s provided Paula a bosom buddy and a nursemaid; can she manage a total takeover by wrangling Simon and giving his claws a manicure?
  • A more gentle, constructive Simon Cowell—Is this really what Americans want?
  • Ryan Seacrest—Every year his star rises, he loses a little more of his funny. Pressure gets the best of us. Am I saying the answer is for Ryan to take up yoga? Perhaps. Am I saying he should accept the things he cannot control? Perhaps. Am I saying he’s gay? That’s none of anybody’s business. But yes. | Alan Quisimorio

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